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Real Human Being

Do you ever feel like screaming, i mean properly screaming until your voice fades away and you just get so lost in it you forget everything and in the final moments the last echo fades leaving you in blissful silence? I could do with one of those moments, calrity! that’s what i need and some room to breathe as much as i’d like help from my friends right about now they too are pretty much emotional cripples just like me at the moment so it’s a no go area for help. It’s like being lost in a sandstorm and thinking ‘oh this is the right way to go’ then being left with sand hitting you repeatedly until you become so lost you breakdown and see a shiny oasis of a mirage, i think that best describes everything i’m feeling at the present time, yep. To put it straight i may be cold, callous and a hard up bastard at times but it would seem that when all is said and done i do actually have a heart, least that revelation means something in itself, i am actually human after all. I’m stuck between fixing my own problems and being there for my friends, as much as i always throw down everything for my friends i really REALLY want to sort this out because the longer i leave it the more it hurts but if i step back from my friends i’ll feel like i’m abandoning them. Well to be honest i can only sort things out if the other person wants to and seen as they refuse to even acknowledge my existence because i hurt them i guess i’ll do what i can for my friends and in turn just hope that she wants to actually remember who i am sometime soon.

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