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Where is my Mind?


Before when i wrote about stuff to do with my love life(more the lack of one in actuality) but this time i did something retarded i hurt someone who meant alot all because i didn’t want to get hurt myself, Hedgehogs dilemma (if you don’t know what it is read one of the first posts i made) and as i said i hurt them, which is my fault. Last time i got my heart broken i ranted and raged on here although later i realized that was stupid so i deleted them but the reason i did was because i knew they’d never see it and i could get away with giving my honest opinion. So i could do the same again and violently type words onto the screen but i won’t because i’ve grown up alot since then and the added to that the fact that i have no real reason to be angry seen as the one thing i really can’t stand is the fact that it really is all my fault things turned out like this. I brought it on myself and now i have to suffer because of it i guess, so i’ll just sit here typing, staring into space and not stop thinking about how i basically crushed my own heart. yes i miss her, just talking to her about anything and literally most things i look at i can link to her and smile… then i remember and have to step back and try and think about something else, i just have to remember how things were before and try and go back to trying to be arrogant, egotistical and a bit of a bastard really, the average old me really. The only thing i really want is for her to be happy i guess and for me just to be that bastard again, i know it won’t make me a great person but my sarcasm is a godsend when it comes to fending people off and i think that’s what i really need right now, i’ll drown out all emotions and feelings i know it can be done i’ve done it before. That’s enough of me whining about my life and as a really final note, i’m sorry Emma and i wish you all the happiness now go watch Star Wars and keep being awesome!


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