I dont think I ever actually put into words what i felt back then, i put silly things like ‘upset someone’ or ‘acted retarded’ but what i actually did was break someones heart and years later i acted all hurt when they did the same to me. I deserved it. I may not have been a one night stand type of guy but i was still a bad guy. I always acted like i believed in destiny and when it did come knocking i laughed in its face and pretended it wasn’t because i was young and wanted to get with someone. That’s it essentially. Then time went on and i grew up abit and when i finally took a step back and looked and this cute, awkward young lady who loved Star Wars and when she went out of her way to make me feel wanted i got scared, Honestly i am not used to being wanted, Two girls before her, i kinda cared about only to be told later that both times i let my heart go those two girls felt sorry for me and that was all… So there i was 18 and stood in front of the most amazing and beautiful girl who related me to her Han Solo and how could i not want to fall for that so hard, and i did.
So now you ask whats the problem? Happily ever after? No, i couldn’t help let the past make me terrified of losing her and thats what happened… Long story short, everyone who has ever meant anything to me besides my parents have usually left me. (Here in 2015 neither of my grandparents on both sides still living seem to consider i actually exist because of feuds within the family, My eldest sister has settled in Austraulia and only remembers i exist when my birthday comes round and my other sister is always trying to make up for the fact she ran away from home when we were younger and me being the spiteful bastard i am i choose to push her away whenever i can) Because of the past and family i have that loathe me i push away with my whole heart whenever i can. I pushed Emma away a long time ago and broke her heart. I would give anything to right that wrong, to tell her that she meant everything to me, that i was terrified she was pretending to like me so that she could laugh with her friends about this loser she met… But that’s not who she was, she was a sweet, kind and cute young girl and all i did was hurt her feelings.
I’m glad she left me for someone who made her smile, laugh and just overall brought out the best in her, that girl deserves the best and she doesn’t believe it but i know she does, she doesn’t deserve all the grief and heartache she gets shes earned that smile and I just like the fact i can still be around to see it. In all honesty, i’m happiest when she’s happy. Maybe i was never meant to be Hers, the guy that was always there when she needs someone to brighten her day, or kiss her when shes feeling blue or just being the guy who means the world to her. But i was her Han Solo at one point, and I’m still a scruffy looking nerf herder and she’s still in my life, so as bad as i feel lately I’ll keep holding on and just look out for the Princess and be the charming smuggler that protects her when i can. She will always mean the world to me no matter what.
Who Knows maybe i could be someones Star-Lord…